I want to live like this~

I woke up this morning, angry, confused and sad. I have been waking up like this allot lately, allot more than is normal for me. I have always been someone who looks on the bright side. Recently though, I feel like I have finally admitted that I am angry at God for bringing me back to kc, more confused than angry. I am always reminding myself of how god has our best interests at heart, but sometimes I wonder if this is the fire, the part of my life he is walking through with me to test my relationship with him, to test whether I am a fair weather follower... I am having this epiphany even as I type, I wonder if bringing me back to KC was in order to bring me closer to him, put me through the fire. I have been kicking and screaming inwardly ever since I returned. I have been confused about what gods purpose was in bringing me back here, but knowing or not knowing is no longer important. My life sucks when I don't trust my savior, I am unhappy, I hurt myself and others and I don't see the powerful things that god is doing at this moment because I keep believing it's not right for me to be here. But thats not what's important, what is is believing and trusting god, believing he loves me and has a purpose for what feels to me like a very meaningless existence, and trusting that he wants to use me and not dump me by the side of the road. Believing that I have a purpose, believing that my life is not meaningless, that is all I know right now, but in order to remain at peace, this is what I will have to keep reminding myself, over and over and over and over and over again. Also, I need to start praying and asking god for help, listening to him and asking for help by reading the bible. I need you God.

Fearless Heart~ Point of Grace

For even the most trusting soul
This world can be a scary place,
So much that we can't control
In every moment that we face,

When a thousand what ifs
Whisper in our ears
We remember whose we are
And watch them disappear

I wanna live with a fearless heart
Courage that's coming from trusting God
It's constantly guiding me
Though the road may seem dark
I wanna live, wanna live with a fearless heart

There are worries chasing everyone
That's evident in times like these,
But I have found the confidence that comes
From the time I spend on my knees,

There's a truth I'm holding onto
As these days unfold
Greater is He that is in me
Than he that's in the world

I wanna live with a fearless heart
Courage that's coming from trusting God
It's constantly guiding me
Though the road may seem dark
I wanna live, wanna live with a fearless heart

He's my strength
He's my shelter
He is with me all the way
He's my light and my salvation
Of whom shall I be afraid
Of whom shall I be afraid

I wanna live with a fearless heart
Courage that's coming from trusting God
It's constantly guiding me
Though the road may seem dark
I wanna live, wanna live with a fearless heart