Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over...~

Sometimes there are days when life just makes sense. Today was one of those days. Life is meant to live and love and anything less than that takes away the joy of living. When one is all consumed with duty and responsibility and can not take the time to enjoy a lovely sun-shiny day, or take a walk on the plaza, people watching, that is when life loses its luster. Often I will read something in the paper or hear something on the news or find something out about the terrible living conditions in third world countries and I will feel so guilty for enjoying that sunny day. I will want to drop everything and go change the world for the people living in that place, and then depression will eventually set in when I find that I do not have the time money or resources to do this, so then I will commission myself to get a good education so I can get a good job so someday I will be influential enough to make a difference. It is after that decision that I am able to blissfully go back and enjoy the sun, that has continued to shine down on me as all these thoughts roll into my head, and then roll out again. As sad as it makes me feel knowing about the terrible things that happen in this world that I can no stop, rape victims, child abuse, hunger, starvation, lack of clean water, fear... I calm myself by believing that god has placed me in Grandview, in my apt, with my roommate, to make his love known to whomever crosses my way. I have this complex, I feel that everyone I meet I have to make a difference in there life with my life....weird huh. Well I feel this so strongly that often I will attach myself to someone for a time who I see struggling with life, I will love this person as much as I can and try to help them and then...I will eventually pull out of that relationship completely when I have totally exhausted my resources on thsi person. Which in turn probably causes them to feel completely abandoned by me but at that point I don't care...I leave the relationship feeling that I did everything I could for that person and know its someone else's turn to take over. Maybe I need to rethink my approach to this...this sounds like a crazy person writing...how did i even get on this subject...? So I think this is enough for now, and I am very happy that only a few people even read this blog because I may never live this post down. I may as well say it right now...I have a savior complex...to a certain extent.