What I fear the most....

What we fear the most seems to come back to haunt us, I don't ever remember having an awful public speaking experience, although their were a couple of times my sophomore year that were pretty scary for me, but that is not what this post is about. I greatly fear and dread times when I must speak in public, I fear messing up and making a fool out of myself or out of those who know me. That my friends will be so ashamed of me that they will leave me... I can be dramatic I guess...because I know that my friends will not leave me if I mess up, I do not have to be perfect for them and they have told me that many times...and still I have that fear, my friends will first laugh at me and then leave me. Tonight I am reading a beautiful passage at my cousins wedding and I have been terrified all week of messing up or getting super nervous or embarrassing them and ruining their wedding. However this morning I woke up to a message from a very dear friend of mine, it said this: " Emily, Just wanted to let you know that I love you and I'm praying for you today! May the Lord give you the strength and courage to live from and fight for your heart today!" She followed that up with, "Yes you will do wonderful and even if you do mess up, it won't destroy you or change the way your king sees you! You will still be indescribably beautiful and precious to your heavenly father!...And to me! lol :-) I love you!". How wonderful that I have such good friends who are constantly taking my lies and turning them into the truth of who God says I am and Who god sees me as. I love you Gracie! So this morning I woke up and realized that all week I had been dwelling on the thought that when, not if, when I mess up I will embarrass Meaghan Justin their parents my aunt Jana and anyone else who knows me and they will all be embarrassed and make fun of me later and then leave me because I am such a basket case...Pretty extreme huh, well this morning I decided to change that thinking patter. This is now what I am choosing to believe. Meaghan and Justin are both so happy that I said yes to do this, it is like the salt to their wedding, even If I get nervous, its ok because everybody gets nervous, I just can't let my nervousness dictate me recital. Then after I am done that will be the end of it, no matter how I do, I believe I will do great, God will still love me and so will my good friends, and honestly everyone in that barn will be rooting for me to do a great job. Also, tonight I am going to have fun and lots of it...maybe I should drink a little before I go onstage...hmmmm? Regardless God will be there with me and I can be drunk with the holy spirit! So yeah I feel soo so much better now! xoxoxoxoxoxo