Reminder of XOXOXOXOX

God Loves me...God loves me...God loves me! I sometimes forget this very basic concept. Mostly because it is so NOT basic! The creator of the galactic universe, finds joy in seeing me worship him? He has such a love for me its hard to imagine why? I love him as well but I often wonder what difference my life will make in the grand scheme of life, but I can't think like that. I can only believe, how ridiculous I, human, am. So little do I know about God and his being, He is. Is everything. Indescribable, but possibly, through each other, we are able to see different facets of who he is in each one of us.

How beautiful He is~

All along I played Mrs Right!

Do you ever find yourself coming to the realization that, unfortunately, you are incredibly, pigheadedly and amazingly wrong?! If this has happened to any of you, I am very sorry, for this is not ever an easy pill to swallow. However it is a necessary one. Well, that happened to me this past week, and all came to culmination today. I suddenly realized that I was wrong and had been wrong. In fact, I had been giving my emotions complete control over my actions. Instead of letting good sense rule my behavior, I found myself, upon waking this morning, feeling like a complete and utter failure and not knowing where or how to go forward from where I currently stood. So, I did the only apparent thing I could do, I got my bag, put on my lovely blue sandals, and walked to the local coffee shop to grab some java. It turns out there was no better decision I could have made! I walked into that room and faced the obvious with the help of a friend, she showed me a completely new, and much better, perspective different from what I had been seeing. It was a huge step for me. (Inside note) I have realized recently, that I can be very egotistical, especially when hurt or angry, and not believe anything other than the one answer I desire to hear, "your right". Well, I am not right. There is nothing more wonderful, nor difficult to receive, in this world, than talking through a situation with someone and listening to there view without defending your point and realizing, perhaps, that there are changes you need and can make. I feel as though a great weight has been taken off my shoulders. Although the consequences of my actions may still stand, and this saddens me greatly, I have learned a different path to take, a new way to handle a problem. A more diplomatic and appropriate approach. Even more wonderful was, in the midst of this conversation with this very dear friend, I learned that through implementing these steps, I still am able to validate how I feel, my emotions. This was such a freeing thing for me to learn, I can validate and acknowledge my emotions in a healthy way while still resolving a conflict? Amazing! I have never thought my emotions were at all valid unless someone told me they were or unless I proved to someone they were. To the reader I will say that if, unfortunately, you do happen to suffer from this problem, don't worry, eventually your emotions will show themselves. However you may find yourself regretting the way in which that happens. A much better way has been revealed to me, which does not include stuffing your emotions or ignoring their existence, but also not blowing up from the weight of them. In the coffee shop, amidst the wonderful aromas of roasting coffee beans and the lovely sounds of steamed milk foaming, I learned the simple step to take, talk through it with yourself alone, or write a letter for personal critique purposes... A friend told me these steps and I will definitely be implementing them. I wish I was mature and perfect and could handle my emotions in a healthy way without causing hurt and pain to others, but until that happens -_-  I will be using a pen and paper to help myself see what is valid and what is possibly a complete overreaction brought on by two much estrogen coursing through my veins. I still am suffering from the embarrassment and bitter taste of not being "right" but how much better it is to change and to make healthy changes in oneself, and, hopefully, to eventually see the good outcome of those decisions. This is me, continuing, slowly but surely, to move forward.

Death

"When King Lear dies in act IV do you know what Shakespeare has written? He has written, "He Dies"; that's all, nothing more, no fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work is, "He dies". It takes Shakespeare genius to come up with, "he dies". And yet every time I read those two words I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria, But not because of the words he dies, but because of the life we saw prier to the words." Mr Magorium's Wonder emporium.