Christmas!!!

So, it started yesterday, I got up at 4:35am to take my wonderful roomie to work, the excitement started then :D It was early the day before Christmas, the magic was about to happen. The stars twinkled above us as we walked out to the car. As we drove to work we talked about that day and what we wanted to do. I dropped her off and drove to CVS to grab some coffee creamer for coffee when I got home. As I brewed Folgers black silk I thought about life and how caught up we humans get in  performance and the little things that we think are so important, our respect, our worth in others eyes, our careers, how much money we need to make...Its all so stressful and so time consuming that we miss out on the little joys of life, like drinking folgers black silk coffee. I sat on our couch and stared at the twinkle lights on our Christmas tree. I decided to read Mathew 1..and 2..and 3. In ch 3 something finally struck me, I usually try to read until that happens.
It went like this:
Mathew 3:11-12 The Message
I'm baptizing you here in the river, turning your old life in for a kingdom life. The real action comes next: The main character in this drama—compared to him I'm a mere stagehand—will ignite the kingdom life within you, a fire within you, the Holy Spirit within you, changing you from the inside out. He's going to clean house—make a clean sweep of your lives. He'll place everything true in its proper place before God; everything false he'll put out with the trash to be burned."

YES! I thought to myself, please change me God because my life suck without you, I doubt my beauty, I doubt my weight as a person, I doubt my influence for you I doubt my worth in your eyes, I need you to sustain me and make my life worthy and complete because without you life makes absolutely No sense whatsoever and it is so easy to feel like a pawn in the game of life. But with God, we can make order out of disorder in our lives. Sir Isaac Newton and his laws of thermodynamics taught us that as humans order will quickly tun into disorder, only through god can order be created out of our lives.

Self Discipline

The first of the five pillars of self-discipline is acceptance. Acceptance means that you perceive reality accurately and consciously acknowledge what you perceive.

This may sound simple and obvious, but in practice it’s extremely difficult. If you experience chronic difficulties in a particular area of your life, there’s a strong chance that the root of the problem is a failure to accept reality as it is. -Steve Pavlina on The Raw Food Diet-

Holy smokes!

Holy Smokes, last night went smashingly.

I got to the wedding talked to some people, had fun, saw the cute little Ava, took my place next to Laura, the other reader, and mentally prepared. I remembered to be at woman at rest because God is my defender I don't have to defend myself, because God is my protector he will protect me from my own fears, because God never gives us anything beyond our strength I will trust and believe that I really can do this even when I don't see how?

Then the time came, Neil announced the readers, me and Laura got up and walked forward, I was first, I took my mic looked to the back of the room at the exit sign, so I would know where to run if I skrewed up lol, and I began. It went well, I was sure to read slowly, pause for effect and look up to the back of the room every now and then, but it still wasn't perfect and after Laura spoke we both sat down and my face turned red in shame. I was so bad, I did such a bad job(because it hadn't been perfect). I was very upset but then I realized what I had just done! I have never spoken in public before, and her I was speaking to over two hundred guests! After the wedding was over, which was beautiful, I remembered to calm down enough so that I could actually focus on it instead of my performance. It was beautiful. Later that night I was talking to Alisha B. and she told me I did a great job without my even asking her? I was stunned, Alisha thinks I did a good job? Wow, then Nathan G. told me I had a great stage presence, then my mom said she loved the quote I read, then the DJ told my mom he thought I was beautiful...??? It was a strange night, a night of new and wonderful experiences and the food and company were so fun, I talked for a while with Alisha and Lorien and then Doug and Barb and Stephen, I saw my cousin and her fiance Dave, from Colorado. It was a great night. But the highlight of it was when my brother, Samuel, asked me to dance with him! That was the best ever! He is an awful dancer lol but I was so happy and glad and overjoyed to dance with him. I Love you Samuel. Later him and Caleb stole that dance floor with all the guests looking on in amazement, those boys can dance! It was a great night! Thank you God, Why do I ever doubt you?

What I fear the most....

What we fear the most seems to come back to haunt us, I don't ever remember having an awful public speaking experience, although their were a couple of times my sophomore year that were pretty scary for me, but that is not what this post is about. I greatly fear and dread times when I must speak in public, I fear messing up and making a fool out of myself or out of those who know me. That my friends will be so ashamed of me that they will leave me... I can be dramatic I guess...because I know that my friends will not leave me if I mess up, I do not have to be perfect for them and they have told me that many times...and still I have that fear, my friends will first laugh at me and then leave me. Tonight I am reading a beautiful passage at my cousins wedding and I have been terrified all week of messing up or getting super nervous or embarrassing them and ruining their wedding. However this morning I woke up to a message from a very dear friend of mine, it said this: " Emily, Just wanted to let you know that I love you and I'm praying for you today! May the Lord give you the strength and courage to live from and fight for your heart today!" She followed that up with, "Yes you will do wonderful and even if you do mess up, it won't destroy you or change the way your king sees you! You will still be indescribably beautiful and precious to your heavenly father!...And to me! lol :-) I love you!". How wonderful that I have such good friends who are constantly taking my lies and turning them into the truth of who God says I am and Who god sees me as. I love you Gracie! So this morning I woke up and realized that all week I had been dwelling on the thought that when, not if, when I mess up I will embarrass Meaghan Justin their parents my aunt Jana and anyone else who knows me and they will all be embarrassed and make fun of me later and then leave me because I am such a basket case...Pretty extreme huh, well this morning I decided to change that thinking patter. This is now what I am choosing to believe. Meaghan and Justin are both so happy that I said yes to do this, it is like the salt to their wedding, even If I get nervous, its ok because everybody gets nervous, I just can't let my nervousness dictate me recital. Then after I am done that will be the end of it, no matter how I do, I believe I will do great, God will still love me and so will my good friends, and honestly everyone in that barn will be rooting for me to do a great job. Also, tonight I am going to have fun and lots of it...maybe I should drink a little before I go onstage...hmmmm? Regardless God will be there with me and I can be drunk with the holy spirit! So yeah I feel soo so much better now! xoxoxoxoxoxo

Blessed for being disliked--------

"Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 "Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. 12 "Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you" Matthew 5:10-12.

I fear persecution, I don't want to be un-liked, I want to fit in, to fly under the radar. I don't want to be labeled, I don't want to be harassed,  I want an easy life. 

And yet, I long to be a woman who is firmly planted in her convictions, who has both feet solidly placed on The Firm Foundation, Jesus Christ. A woman who speaks openly and directly, uninhibitedly. A woman who speak courageously and gladly, a woman who speaks openly and sincerely about her savior, about her King! Jesus Christ! Who has no fear of persecution. although she knows it will soon ensue, who has no fear of labels or harassed, who does not place so much importance on the notion of needing and having to be liked by everyone she meets. Instead to be one who is intransigent(uncompromising) in her belief's.

Ah yes, that is what I long to become...